Hot mess

My name is Aurora and I don't adult well.

The chaos of the Easter break has reminded me that I'm still the daydreaming, flighty space cadet that I was as a 4 year old starting primary school (my first taste of shit getting real) in life. I'm easily distracted and need constant prompting to get through the day without veering off on unproductive tangents. I've had a lifelong struggle with project management, time management and stuff management. I have numerous unfinished projects that seemed like a great (and manageable!) idea at the time and I have a list of goals that I'm resigned to never achieving because I just KNOW it will all fall apart.

Unfortunately, this impacts almost every part of my life, from friendships (C.H.A.O.S. - Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome as Flylady put it so succinctly) to parenting (almost nothing makes you a worst parent than being an overwhelmed irritable stress ball) to finances (whoops, forgot to write a budget again!). It's a little terrifying, and very depressing, to think that this will be my lot in life - stuck in a cycle of never really getting where I want to go, whether it's an appointment or a life goal.

I've adopted various organisational methods over the years, with varying success. When I firmly embraced minimalism I stupidly assumed that the holy grail was white space and an empty schedule; and truly, it does help. But I'll never be able to manage the minutiae of my life with just an appointment diary and my wits.

I'm trying out a couple of things that will hopefully help, including sleeping with said diary under my pillow to make sure I actually look at it once a day (last month I missed a hospital appointment that I had written down, set a phone reminder for AND thought about the night before. Seriously, I'm that bad). I've actually replaced that diary with a notebook and have been trying my hand at Bullet journalling this week, we'll see how it goes.

I shall report back next week. I need a few days to get on top of the backlog and come up with a plan.

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